Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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