I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
