Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
