I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
