We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
