i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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