I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
