in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
