John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
