i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish you could order shots online.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
