oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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