Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
