so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
