Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My room smells like vodka and shame
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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