Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
