why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
