sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
