How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
