I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
