i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
