Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
