wakey wakey hands off snakey
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My vagina just recognized that song.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
