I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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