I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
