remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
