i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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