Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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