my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
