he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
