I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think i have two assholes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
