theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
