my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
