he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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