The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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