did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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