My hand turned me down
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This baby is an asshole
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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