I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
