he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
