ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
