wrigley field is MILF paradise
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
