I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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