I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
