Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
