I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
