He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
