How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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