Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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