ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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