so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
