To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
