Where is the hickey?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
