Barsexuality is the new black.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just high enough for therapy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
