oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
