I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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