the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
