So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
