I want to walk on stilts...naked
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
