Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
